U CAN'T EAT ME! I SAID NO..! FUCK OFF I'M HOT AND I'M STAYING HOT.

So I was working the first half of my split-shift at the shop today, about half-way through I thought I could hear something. I forgot about it and went back to cleaning the hoods. Then when I was compressing the hamburger patties I heard it again. But this time I also felt it, "Oh good" I thought, "It's not some evil grease monster lurking behind the fryer hoods just waiting to chew my arms off". THANK FUCK..! No I was just hungry, so I accepted that I was hungry, I only had 2 hours to go before I could leave and I would sort it out straight after work.

My stomach had OTHER ideas.

Almost as soon as I'd thought about eating something it was all I could friggin think about. I would have happily chowed down on the 15 kg's of raw flattened hamburger patties in front of me, but I didn't because I know what E-Coli is and I need my job, because we all have to pay our way..!

So there I was flattening delicious meaty product and cursing my stupid brain for not having the get up and go to remind me to eat breakfast (or I could have gotten out of bed earlier than 40min's before my shift started) should've could've would've, meh.

IT DIDN'T STOP THERE..! pulls out hair and stabs self in eyes.

Everything I did reminded me of food, I was crating empty boxes for the recycle truck to pick up and all I could think of was breakfast, any breakfast at all, eggs and bacon, corn flakes, fruit and custard, ANYTHING..! After I finished the on the boxes I had to get the batter ready and after I did that I refilled the fridge starting with small items, Mars Bars to be exact, OH MY FUCKING GOD I NEED A MARS BAR IN BATTER....STUPID COGNITIVE THOUGHT PROCESSING BRAIN, FUCK OFF..! Once I filled the fridge we got a little busy, what do people order? Souvlaki's and Hamburgers..........

My mind today, in a Nutshell:

Wake up 40 min's before shift
forget to eat breakfast
arrive at work
start cleaning fryer hoods
hear imaginary monster
have slight panic attack as you envision the grease monster eat your arms off
realise it's your tummy saying feed me.
BREAKFAST
BACON AND EGGS
CORN FLAKES
FRUIT AND CUSTARD
FUCKING MARS BAR IN FUCKING BATTER
SOUVLAKI
HAMBURGER
And this is where I start spiralling downwards into a hunger induced state of paranoia and confusion.

Will my stomach start to eat itself from sheer hunger? why is this even happening to me? what did I do to deserve this......?, Hi there, welcome to John's Fresh Catch, How can I help you today? blah blah order, change order blah, that comes to blah, you are ticket number 89 please take a seat. "MARS BAR IN BATTER MOTHERFUCKER". ARGH..! I'm going crazy from hunger.

Finally my shift ended, I got in my car and started to drive home, only to remember it was time for my stitches to come out, (I'll elaborate later) So I go and have my stitches removed and all the while can't stop thinking about my ever encompassing need to FUCKING EAT..!

Finally, nurse bitch stops cutting me and I can leave, YAY..! FOOD BABY HERE I COME..!

Get home, Put on pot of water, throw various amounts of high-flavour concentrated tomato products and olive oil in a pan, cook while boiling pasta, wait and wait and wait (I'm actually watching the pasta cook).

WOOT WOOT! IT'S FUCKING READY, HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU UNIVERSE YOU CUNT I FUCKING WON, I'M GONNA CHOW THIS FUCKER DOWN, YEEEAAAAHHHHH...!

And then I remembered why not to curse the universe, because as soon as I had the first mouth full I knew that I  had angered the stars and they were exacting sweet revenge in a dish served way too hot. OUCH, FUCKER THAT HURT..! I said to the bowl, trying not to curse at the universe again.

So all I could think about was eating all friggin day and after all the things I had to go through to get to that bowl of delicious, delicious pasta, it was too hot and I burnt my mouth. So all I wanted, was to eat and what I got was a big bowl of fuck you. my bowl of pasta sat there staring into my soul and told me to FUCK OFF YOU STUPID CUNT, I'M WAY TOO HOT FOR YOU AND YOU KNOW IT! I'M STAYIN HOT FOR AGES AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT YOU FILTHY CUNT..! (I love the word cunt)


So the moral of the story today is that we should definitely eat a big breakfast or the grease monster will try to eat our arms off while our stomachs eat themselves and bowls of food exact sweet revenge for the universe.