My First Blog

I've never really written a blog before, so this might be a little short and or boring. But hey I might just fluke it and create an award winning entry. If you dislike the word Fuck or Cunt, then fuck off cunt, this post is not for you.

So my name's Alexi. I am 26 years young, I'm a cook in a fish and chip shop and live with my family somewhere in Melbourne's lesser Western suburbs. I have a really nice house that I hate with a passion and a family that would send even the sternest of minds wayward. (family post coming soon) On the bright side I do have this blog to keep me occupied.

In case you haven't yet figured it out, I really like the concept of grammar. I like being able to read what people are writing. Anyway, Today I drove an hour to my second job, (ballroom dancing coach) so I could teach for 2 hours and then drove another hour home. 4 hrs...! What the fuck? I really need to move closer to the city. I finished choreographing a Paso Doble a Cha Cha Cha and an American Jive. So I suppose it was a productive 4 hours. I teach at an exclusively Gay and Lesbian dance space, Dancecats.com.au, You're welcome for the free advertising Anny. Oh yeah and I'm gay. lol, I always forget to point that out usually people just look at me and know, but you cant see me so I suppose I'll have to put up a photo. Photo not working, I have compromised my Facebook security and allowed public viewing of photo's. Follow this http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=493932906765&set=a.439141791765.237686.727981765&type=1&theater
Like I said ppl just usually figure it out.

I don't really know why but im having trouble uploading a photo. Don't you hate it when all you want to do is upload something but your computer has other ideas? I'm like, choose photo, change file type, press open/upload.

Computer Says No...!!!!

If at first u don't succeed, try,try again and again and again and aFUCKING-GAIN...!!!!!!! FUCK YOU COMPUTER UPLOAD MY FUCKING PICTURE..!!! WHAT? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO SPEAK HTML...! UNIVERSE WHY MUST YOU PUNISH ME? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

But then my computer helps me download more porn and I'm happy again. :)

So who likes Lady Gaga? Oh my god I DO! Put your paws up...! I'm not quite sure where that one's from and since I don't really have paws I can't quite figure it out but it's a phrase that has passed through the most amazing set of lips in the universe and just because of that you should PUT YOUR FUCKING PAWS UP...!
As you can tell I'm quite the fan and were it possible for drag queens to be impregnated, I'd let Stephanie Germanotta fuck me up the ass..! I can't believe my spellcheck doesn't have Germanotta in it. (grammar obsession's ugly head rears) I also love Mary J Blige, Mariah, Pre-Crack Whitney, Pink and way too many other amazing artists to list.

Gosh, my little brother (Johnny, 20yo) just came in with my gay newspaper and simultaneously pointed to & recommended I attend S&M Speed Dating at the Owl and Pussycat in Richmond. Once again you're welcome for the free advertising Owl and Pussycat in Richmond. The add looks scary and I don't like S&M unless I'm playing the Rihanna game. There's seriously a man pretending to be a dog with a black eye and he's chewing on a squeaky chew toy..WHAT THE FUCK? I'm all for sexual exploration, just not whilst in the dungeon fantasizing about canines.

The Rihanna Game...!

Walk up to a stranger and ask them a completely unreasonable question. like so -

YOU: Hello stranger, would you mind being so kind as to unpick my wedgie?

STRANGER: Aaah, NO

YOU: Oh please, it's really uncomfortable and my hands are full ( you have a handbag and a bottle of water)

STRANGER:  You're really freaking me out please go away

YOU: But my wedgie, it hurts, PLEEEEAAAASE?

STRANGER: OI CUNT I SAID NO, JESUS CHRIST NO..!!!

Then comes the line, from your mouth, making you the winner

YOU: NA NA NA NA NA COME ON!!!!

And that's the rihanna game..! :)

Who else is a procrastinator? If you guessed everybody then you would be right.
pro·cras·ti·nate  (pr-krst-nt, pr-)

v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates

v.intr.

To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

v.tr.

To postpone or delay needlessly

oh great now my margin has moved FUCK YOU, YOU CUNTING COMPUTER ARGH...!

See my pirate impression? I'm needlessly postponing feeding my babies. P.S. Babies = Dogs

I have a Shar-pei, her name is SHANIKWA and a miniature jack russel, his name is BALLS. I just can't be bothered with moving today. I think I need a lie down before work. Puppies I promise I'll feed you before work.

So that's my first blog, complete nonsensical rambling. My next ones will be far more entertaining I promise.

You'll hear from me soon I swear, as long as the procrastination monster doesn't eat me in my sleep.